Friday, March 6, 2009

What I miss

Someone asked me if there were any foods that I missed since changing my diet. After some thought...

I don't miss any foods, I miss feelings that I get from some foods. Example: pizza and cheese. I sometimes "crave" pizza, and yeah, I've given in before on quite a few occasions. In a way, giving in delivers a sense of relief. There's some weird psychology going on there. Why do we desire what we know won't fulfill us, or we know will be a letdown? Regardless, I do have a bit of insight based on my personal experiences.

The foods that I miss most don't even taste that good. They certainly don't make me feel "good" physically (or mentally). For instance, during times of stress I could spend all day thinking about the sensation and "reward" of eating a pizza. Something to look forward to after an unenjoyable, forgettable day; an escape through food, comfort eating. Then, when I finally get it at night, it will have no taste.  No special factor. I mean, I don't think to myself "wow, I have really been missing out on this great food." However, I'll sit, downing slice after slice, and sink down into a lesser, more detached, more bearable, state of consciousness - what I really wanted in the first place.

Now, these attachments are more obvious.  A pizza isn't just a pizza, its a step outside of the new diet I've set for myself.  Its an act of weakness, of sickness.  However, I've come to realize that it has always been this way.  Before, when unnatural foods were a regular part of my diet, I just didn't know that any addictions were there.  I was just like everyone else around me.

You see, I don't miss the taste of pizza. I don't miss the texture. I miss the feeling.  The feeling that goes along with those things. I miss buying it, re-experiencing the nostalgia of past pizza-eating endeavors, the greasiness, swallowing it and feeling it in my stomach, having it down there, sitting heavily, and then I especially like being able to make that feeling grow by repeating that process as many more times as I like.  I am disgusted just thinking about it, but that's how I am - that's how a lot of people are, whether they know it or not.  I've just become more aware of my subconscious and maybe they haven't yet; maybe they never will.  Just having food in your belly makes you feel a certain way. When that food is natural (fruits/veggies), there's almost no sedation factor. When that food is unnatural (any processed food), it becomes a gateway for sedation. Its a certain type of sedation that, for some reason or another, is appealing to people (including myself).

I really think that taste has very little to do with giving up certain foods.  Actually, the more I think about it taste has very little to do with eating at all.  Giving up processed foods is about giving up the feelings of eating those things.  Practicing temperance is not about abstaining from what is bad, its about changing your mind altogether to truly desire what is good.

One interesting note is that I miss very few drinks. Almost none. The only drink I really struggled over was coffee, but that's because of caffeine, and caffeine is another long story for another time. But sodas, juice drinks, sports drinks, etc are basically no struggle for me.  I predict that this is because there is little "feeling" from drinks.  By that I mean they don't do much to you after you drink them, besides maybe give you a sugar rush.  Its not like some heavy cooked foods that give you the feeling of sedation, or being "stuffed".

What do I conclude from this?

Its all about wanting the right thing.  With the raw food diet (or at least a natural-food diet), your body is becoming free - its natural state that our Creator designed it to be in.  After years and years of becoming denatured and desensitized to my instincts, this has been very hard.  However, it is a continual journey.  I am learning to love this natural state.  I'm becoming more comfortable with it - always being more alert, in the moment, "aware" of my body and everything around it.  I am finding it easier to fight off the desire to sedate myself or become detached from reality, by any means.  For you, this could also include oversleeping, watching a lot of TV, watching pornography, general laziness, frequent lateness, never exercising, etc.  I am fighting to do away with this desire for sedation altogether, but the most important thing is to know that it exists so that it can be fought at all.

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